Things To Do In San Diego: Wednesday, October 20-Tuesday, October 26, 2021 | Nation of Language | Jimmy Eat World | Anderson East | Allah Las | FINNEAS | Hamilton Leithauser |

Formerly The Irenic, Being Demolished For Housing (Taken 10.16.21)

I heard that the Mission Gathering Church, home to The Irenic, was being demolished for another housing project. I'm not against housing and I'm not surprised that the property under the building is worth more than the building itself, but it is still sad to see it go. 

I was able to work dozens of shows at The Irenic. I worked the door, sometimes sold merch, and after the church decided to get rid of their single water fountain, was able to sell water to the often sold out all ages crowds. Frightened Rabbit played there. Japanese Breakfast. Snail Mail. Tennis. Ra Ra Riot. The Evens. Owl John. Bad Books. AJJ. Weyes Blood. Dodie. Rooney. Léon. Julien Baker. Pinegrove. Hinds. 

So many amazing shows. 

And don't get me wrong. There were some duds, too. There was this wildly popular band and the artists were such assholes on stage they would cuss out their fans, saying they're only in music for the chicks. It was satisfying to see their band fall apart and dropped with the whole Burger Records scandal a few years later. There were bands whose labels were sure they were the next big thing so they thought so, too, in front of their piddly undersold shows. That's the whole thing about live music in small venues. Sometimes you catch bands on the way up. Sometimes you catch them on their way out.  

The venue was also riddled with management problems. We just wanted the room with our staff and sometimes a church staff person would just make it a miserable experience. I got in a verbal fight with an outside security guard because we'd have an acoustic musician inside, and he'd be outside blaring YouTube videos on his phone, while he was supposed to be protecting the building and the people inside. That was unpleasant. There was a night we had to kick out a creep for not minding personal space of some underage girls and after he was kicked out, he returned to throw boulders at the doors. Sometimes we would watch activity at a drug house across the street, before it burned down and eventually was rebuilt by new owners. One time I stopped this ass from trying to run off with an entire box of a band's vinyl.

Still, I have so many fond memories there. Hours of soundchecks and doing some SoundDiego interviews and hanging out with the artists when they were cool enough to want to, and just chatting and going a little deeper with my Casbah coworkers in a quieter, alcohol-free setting. Nova saw her first concerts there. In fact, when Darren and I first started dating, he would bring her by for slow introductions so he wasn't immersing me in her life too fast. 

Today we drove by on our way from vaccines at CVS to do some grocery shopping at Vons, and even more of the building was demolished. The "sanctuary" is completely gone. Only part of the annex in the back is still standing, and soon that will be gone, too. It gave me some pangs of sadness. I hope the scumbag who called noise complaints on us at every show for the last year is satisfied and gets no sleep for the next 12 months or more of construction on that corner. 

But on to the next thing. All ages venues generally don't last more than a couple years. Soma is an anomaly for sure, but even they are in their third location and now working with LiveNation. All ages venues always have people with good intentions wanting to put on shows and provide safe spaces for kids, but they generally don't make enough money unless they are subsidized by the community or there are alcohol sales involved. Even Soma now has beer. I'm looking forward to seeing how shows go at Bridges, an all ages space in Clairemont Mesa, but it definitely won't have the convenience of walking 10 minutes from my house. Change is hard but it's the only real constant. 

For anyone wondering, I'm now 10 hours after my Pfizer booster and flu shot. My arm is tender, but I have no other discernable symptoms. I'm tired and crosseyed, but that's because it's 2:30 am and I've been doing these listings for close to 5 hours. Time to call it a night. As Tim Mays always says, onward and upward. 

 

Stay safe out there.

CoViD-19: CDC Releases Breakthrough Data By Vax | Larry Millete Arrested For Murder of Maya, Contacted "Spellcasters" | Tahoe Gets Snow!!| My Booster & Flu Shot Day | Newsom Declares Drought Statewide |

 

Kianga and Kamaria at San Diego Zoo Safari Park (Taken 10.17.2021)

So far, so good. 

Yesterday I went on CVS to look at booster appointments and the site was under maintenance. On a whim, I checked again this afternoon around 3pm and was able to book appointments for Darren and I with just an hours notice, and we were able to do them at the CVS closest to us in North Park instead of National City as before. While we were there, we added flu shots just for good measure. I'm six hours in and besides a sore arm (I got both shots in the same arm), I'm feeling fine. 

Today was a big news day in San Diego because District Attorney Summer Stephan and the Chief of Chula Vista Police held a press conference after Larry Millete was arrested this morning on suspicion of murder of his wife, Maya Millete. It's hard not to have an interest in the case because it's been so extensively covered on our local news. You can watch the press conference here where Summer Stephan gave a whole bunch of information about the case that she believes won't tarnish the trial or jury pool. The craziest detail? That Larry contacted "spellcasters" to try and make Maya drop her divorce, and then to put a spell on her to be incapacitated so that she would need him and unable to leave. Like Misery? WTF? It took way too long but it's about time he was arrested. 

Since I'm feeling good and haven't been hit with the sleepies, I'm gonna try to bust through listings tonight. Wish me luck. 

Stay safe out there.  

CoViD-19: Yes, Breakthrough Deaths Occur. Still Rare. | Biden Admin Seeks Regulation On PFAS | Cracked Pipeline Culprit Possibly Identified | State, City Address Freeway Encampments |

 

Red River Hogs at San Diego Zoo (Taken 10.19.21)

I did my best to limit my media consumption today. Darren and I hung out in the speakeasy last on Sunday night listening to the Douglas Coupland audiobook of Bit Rot and it made for a slow-moving Monday. I still got in an afternoon trip to the San Diego Zoo and I took dozens of photos of the red river hogs because Darren's band is called Groove Pigs and he's been trying to plan for their next digital release, whenever that happens. 

After the Zoo, we grabbed some quick tacos and zipped Nova to derby. She was super excited because today was the first practice with full contact for fully vaccinated players. While there, Darren and I went to the VA hospital to visit my dad and spent most of the time trying to log in his phone to ESPN so he could watch the Bills v Titans game. Eventually he just watched his team lose on my phone, but he was happy to be able to watch nonetheless. He seemed in good spirits, though I know he puts on a certain face when we're there so we don't know the pain he's really suffering. He also talks a lot about the amazing food he's being served. Apparently in hospice, all dietary restrictions are kinda thrown out the window.  

Eventually we were all back home and after watching the finale of Only Murders in The Building, I did eventually watch the news. I was watching some of the coverage on the vaccine mandate walkouts and it occurred to me that if the news covered every event with that amount of attendees, then literally every single sold out show at the Casbah should be on the news. Honestly. A sold out Anti-Flag or Creepy Creeps or Emo Nite at the Casbah has more attendees then that pathetic showing at Balboa Park. Subtract the people who don't even have children affected by the vaccine mandate and you're talking about a couple dozen people. It is absurd that our local and national news gives so much airtime to the whackadoodle fringe. There's actually a goddamn school that is making vaccinated kids quarantine so they don't "shed" vaccine, and the MAGAts are going to conveniently leave out the Colin Powell was severely immunocompromised and no vaccine could 100% protect someone fighting myeloma. For these reasons, I'm keeping the links short today. They don't get any more of my attention. 

Stay safe out there.  

CoViD-19: Mandates Are Working | US Surpasses 45M Cases | Kids CoVID Carriers After All | Cleanup Hope For the Pacific Garbage Patch |

Kamaria (born August 22, 2021) spent some time at Kilima Point
at San Diego Zoo Safari Park (Taken 10.17.21)

It was such a nice weekend in San Diego. I feel relaxed, rejuvenated, and I think I need to skip the news a little more often because the sight of certain politicians just destroys my mood and it just isn't worth it to freak out about millionaires in office who I have literally no way to influence. 

I was up early on Saturday, made a nice breakfast, sat on the patio and read for awhile and watched a movie (She's In Portland) all before anyone else was up. Once the house creaked awake, my sister called and we met for lunch at Ponce's, and afterward sat in the Kensington Library park to listen to the band that was playing as part of the Adams Avenue A-live. It kinda felt like the old days when I lived in that hood because we ran into friends at Ponce's and then my old neighbor Gregory Page was in the park, too. In the afternoon we took Ficus on a short mini-hike and then the rest of the day was lazy around the house...more reading and TV and not a workday but just a quick look-see over my email, so I limited my internet time. If I'm being honest, all day I was looking forward to margaritas in the speakeasy with Darren, but a consequence of getting up at 6 is that I didn't even make it through the 11 o'clock news. I was out. 

I didn't want to squander my Sunday, so again, up early, watched some TV, read for awhile, and told the family I wanted to go to San Diego Zoo Safari Park between 2 and 3 so I could have a fair amount of time to explore their Autumn Fest and do the tram and chill with the rhinos up on the lookout. Apparently we weren't the only ones with this plan, so it was pretty crowded and there was a big wedding that had some areas close early and the tram was crazy busy but still, we had our quiet moments, Nova took a book and read in a secluded area when she didn't want to be dragged around the park, and I must've watched the rhinos, first Kasey and Mwezi then Kianga and Kamaria, for more than 2 hours. Then we did a little elephant time before the autumn lantern ceremony before the park closed at 7. 

Since I am feeling awake and alert, I'm gonna join my beau in the speakeasy for some cocktails and I'll be back this week with all the usual news and drama. In light of some planned walkouts by anti-vax teachers and parents tomorrow, I've included some studies and writing about kids and COVID that are worth digesting. What those walkout people don't realize is THAT'S WHAT WE WANT. I don't want my kid in a class with unvaxxed teachers or other students who are eligible and just not getting the shot. So how about you do a walkout and don't come back until you suck it up and get the shots or the pandemic is behind us? Say, 2025? 

Stay safe out there. 

CoViD-19: CDC Holiday Guidance | Science of Masks | Let Them Quit | Historian: Jan 6 Driven By Racism | Advisory Group Recommends J&J Boosters | Travel Restrictions To Lift Nov 8 | Snowy Plovers 1 OHV 0 |

 

(Not a Leatherback) Turtle at Sea World.  (Taken 7.28.21)

Darren and I had so much fun in the speakeasy last night. I mentioned that I got a couple books by Douglas Coupland in the mail this week - Bit Rot and Binge. I also checked out the Bit Rot audiobook from the library, so we listened while we had cocktails and I'm glad that I still connect with his writing the same way I did since 1992 or so. He's the only author whose hardcovers I collect, though apparently there are a few more I don't have. I met him on June 8, 1995, which I only know because he signed my books with the date when he did a reading at the Price Center at UCSD. 

I would comment that his writing is so prescient, but I guess someone who is such an astute observer of people and politics and culture would easily see the world as it is now long before it happened. The writing was on the wall, so to speak. Still it's so fascinating and I'm so glad I bought the books. 

Today was a pretty chill day. I worked, talked to my dad for a little bit, and then Darren and I went to the San Diego Zoo again. It is super crowded for their HalGLOWeen promotion, but as I said last week, the families tend to cluster around the shows and performances. After doing our rounds, we caught the final set of the night of the San Diego Zoo Dia de Muertos Mariachi. 

I suspect it will be a low key weekend around here. I would like to go to Safari Park on Sunday but will skip it if it stays this hot. Ideally we'll visit my dad. I still need a booster and a flu shot, but I'll probably wait until next week. Maybe I'll actually watch Squid Game.  

Today's post might be a little longer than usual, because I'm maybe gonna take the weekend off. California and the CDC don't really offer good weekend reporting anyway. In fact, the CDC kinda blows, I don't understand how the County's vaccination numbers differ so drastically from the CDC. It doesn't make sense. I also included a must watch interview about American politics and the January 6th insurrection with a historian and a rant about these idiot cops and others who are crybabying about having to get vaccinated. So sick of it. 

Anyway, have a nice weekend if you don't hear from me till Monday. 

Did you know that -- without accounting for reinfections -- 10.1% of San DIegans have had COVID-19??? That is a crazy lot. The CDC issued holiday guidance the same and of course, I pretty much think Christmas is canceled, but they pretty much said what you'd expect if you've been paying attention. And why would you be reading this if you haven't? 

Stay safe out there. 

CoVid-19: Advisory Panel Recommends Moderna Booster | Lost Years Of Life | COVID Crazies | Protecting School Boards |

 

Mwezi at San Diego Zoo Safari Park (Taken 10.14.21) 

Today was a busy and full day. I got up at the crack of dawn, which as we know and have well established, is not at all normal for me. But I wanted to get cracking because Thursdays seem to be my busiest work day and I was itching to go to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. So I busted ass, got a solid 6 uninterrupted hours of work in, and off me and Darren went while Nova was in school. It was a little hotter than I expected but it was nice and we hit our usual areas, impressed some tourists by making the turaco do his call, assessed that the tram line was too long, and spent some time at the top with Mwezi and his momma. We had a hard out so I couldn't linger like normal, but we got home, fed the animals, raced to drop Nova at derby, then visited my dad at the VA hospital. 

That was a little bit of a wasted trip because he has a prepaid phone and needed to add minutes to it, but now you can only add a month-to-month plan. I literally had to tell the agent, "my dad is in the hospital and wants to make sure we can cancel the plan without penalty after he dies!!" for them to stop their upsell. And it's true, that is exactly what he said to me, but we sorted it out. And we got some time with him and he seemed in good spirits all things considered. My sister showed up, too, so I think we're breaking all the hospital rules, but they see it's his room and they kinda let it slide. Maybe the more visitors and phone calls he gets, the less he troubles the staff, who by the way, are amazing. One nurse asked what the weather was like today because she arrived FROM TEMECULA when it was still dark out and wouldn't be going home until even later that night. 

I had a little rant I've been contemplating in my head, but now it hardly seems worth it. A person in my extended family has been going through cancer treatment and is a superfan of TFG and didn't get vaccinated, then traveled on a plane for a family funeral, then posted on their facebook asking about medical exemptions for vaccines for jobs that require them on Saturday and by Sunday they were posting that they and the whole family that traveled got COVID (which likely means everyone on the plane was exposed), and then was asking about where to get ivermectin and monoclonal antibodies. DO NOT BE THIS PERSON. Look up articles about cancer -- either past or current treatment - and every article tells you to jump the line, knock over old ladies, do whatever you have to do to get vaccinated. But okay, do your own research. 

Stay safe out there. 

CoViD-19 Was 2nd Leading Cause of Death in September | Messaging About The Messaging | Biden Addresses Bottlenecks (Christmas Is Still Canceled) | US Moves On Offshore Wind |

 

Ficus and Kiwi on the old couch and heating pads (Taken 9.23.2019)

Economics was never a subject that interested me. I tend to be more of an ostrich when it comes to money issues. Which is weird, because my dad was a finance guy with the VA for a majority of his career there, until he moved to Vocational Rehab, helping vets get money for their disabilities, for school, for housing, etc. 

For this reason, the congressional debates about the Build Back Better agenda and reconciliation and the debt ceiling and the pundits who just can't shut up with their garbage hot takes are fascinating and simultaneously infuriating and I'm just trying to read between the lines and understand what it means to me and my family and our community and across the country. The analysts want to find one thing, say a worker shortage, and pin the economy on that one thing. Or take it back further and somehow people think that the extra $600 then $300 in unemployment was a mistake. Poor people with money could suddenly buy what they needed, thereby competing and depriving everyone else for goods on the shelf. In reality, at least in my perception of things, there are factors too many to count. 

Obviously, we're in a GLOBAL pandemic. And while we in San Diego now have 80% of eligible people vaccinated, that isn't so in the rest of the country and the rest of the world. I've been reading about factory shutdowns over the past several months in Vietnam, Taiwan, China, Singapore and others. Then think about the food processing plants in the US - meat production facilities ravaged by COVID among workers, Title 42 stopping the flow of the migrant workers who work in those plants, and not even knowing in the beginning if food could carry the virus. Most recently strikes at Kellogg's, Frito-Lay, and other places because workers have had enough of shitty wages, horrible treatment, all while seeing their CEOs and stockholders making money hand over fist. Throw in the deadly deep freeze last winter, hurricanes, floods, droughts and devastating fires (and that's only talking about the United States) and no wonder things are "bottlenecked". 

So yeah, OPEC has us by the throat and they know it. And the corporations are certainly going to exploit consumer demand, raise prices more than they need to and keep them up because they can. And we're all eating at home and food prices are up, trucking costs more, wages are up, gas is up. 

But in all the news stories I've read, I'.ve not once seen or heard anyone say that we need to curb demand. Do you really need a new TV on Black Friday? Can your phone last a few more months or be repaired or acquire a refurbished one instead of needing a new one? Is your crafting so necessary that you need to buy styrofoam pumpkins and gourds at Michael's? I'm not talking to people in real need. I'm talking to those of us who can reel it in a bit, who have everything we need and if we don't, can be a little more creative in how we source our goods. 

I'm not immune. Earlier this week, my Goodreads account notified me of a new book by my favorite author, Douglas Coupland. In looking it up, turns out he actually has a few books I wasn't aware of. I had a credit, made the Amazon order for two of the books and they arrived in separate boxes (though thankfully from the same driver at the same time). But I still felt like a dick. I'm trying to be more conscientious about how I spend my money, my family has all been warned that we will not be buying gifts for Christmas, but on top of all that, I will try to be more conscientious of my sticker shock and whining about the cost of things. I'm grateful we had the American Rescue Plan. I'm grateful my job still exists because of grants and PPP and NIVA and SVOG. I'm grateful to have a roof over my head, a car to drive when I need but a lifestyle that means I almost never do. To be honest, besides the early days of toilet paper shortages, I haven't really felt too impacted except for the pet food shortages, so we just try to order long in advance of running out. Plan ahead. Focus on your priorities. Skip the junk. 

I still think we're gonna have to skip a tree this year, but somehow we always find a way.   

Stay safe out there. 

Things To Do In San Diego: Wednesday, October 13- Tuesday, October 19, 2021 | Tennis | Elefante y Inspector | OSEES | Men I Trust | Hinds | Willie Nelson | Blended Festival |

 

Men I Trust (Taken 6.20.18)

I started working on listings last night and then my internet went down. I don't know why I have to call COX to find out that there was a planned service outage from midnight until 6am...if you can text me when it's restored, why not text me in advance of it going down? I tried tethering from my phone but that was tedious and I got tired, so I decided to pick it up in the morning. 

But then I laid down to sleep and couldn't. Or I kinda did for a couple hours but there was construction on El Cajon Boulevard and at 5am I gave up on sleep and got to work. 

Of course there are soooo many good shows this week. The Bleachers show tonight is gonna be a good one and I'd definitely recommend getting there early enough for Claud. Tennis and Molly Burch at Observatory will be great, too. Casbah will be celebrating the life and art of Matt Hoyt who recently died of an aggressive cancer, and our friend Gayle Skidmore is in town with a show at Humphrey's backstage.  

If you're a fan of rock en espanol, two great bands, Elefante and Inspector will be at Music Box on Thursday. ford. at the Casbah is almost sold out so get a ticket now if you wanna hit that show. Friday and Saturday are jammed with shows so inspect those lists closely. On Sunday, I'd probably choose between Hinds and Men I Trust, both are exceptional, but the latter is already sold out. 

If you do go out, stay safe out there. Things are looking better for COVID but it's still with us so don't let your guard down.  

CoViD-19: Breakthrough Transmission Limited | Psaki Demolishes Cruz | Oil Spill Updates | WHO To Honor Henrietta Lacks | Adios, Amazon | Border To Reopen To Vaccinated In November | Swine Fever Getting Closer To US |

 

Hannah Joy of `Middle Kids at Soda Bar (Taken 12.13.18)

I chickened out. 

Or, as Nova kindly said, "it isn't chickening out if you were presented with new information and changed your mind."

I really wanted to go to the Casbah to see Middle Kids, I really did. 

I had procured set times.
We had cut our afternoon visit to the San Diego Zoo short so we'd have time to cook dinner before the show. 
Darren and I laid down ground rules and agreed that we wouldn't drink so as not to remove our masks.
My first article linked today is about low transmission among vaccinated.
I was even dressed and almost ready to go, just finishing up a few things online.

And then I opened an email. 

Someone had tested positive. People are out living their lives so they could've gotten it anywhere but who knows how long it took from contracting COVID to notifying everyone. And we don't have any context of vax status or if they're symptomatic. It just kinda flipped my feelings and I had to make the decision not to go. We're still able to visit my dad in the hospital so I just can't take chances like that. He's in hospice care but I don't need to be the one to kill him. We've already been loosening up as far as eating out and doing more activities that interface with more of the public, but the thought of standing still, inside, with other stationary people kinda gives me a panic attack. 

I'm totally experiencing FOMO and I know I'm missing a ton of amazing shows, but just with the current situation, I'm not ready. Still, I better get to work on listings because I think there are a lot of people who aren't regulars at the VA hospital, who aren't high risk or living among high risk people. For those people, by all means, have all the fun for the rest of us. 

Thanks to everyone who sent kind messages about Kiwi. My meanest cat, Strawberry, seems to be taking the absence especially hard, but I think things are gonna be okay as she adjusts. She is also going to hate us as we put her on a diet because she was eating all of Kiwi's food and gained some pandemic pounds.  

There were some newsy things I wanted to highlight. First of all, another Psaki bomb today as Jen shreds Ted Cruz. Second, Vice has a great story about how Amazon canceled plans to build a warehouse in San Diego because they don't like the County's plans to impose prevailing wage and minimum sick days to employees. This was discussed last week at the meeting and it's just being drawn up and investigated at this point, but it is popular among the Supervisors. Last, Secretary Mayorkas will be reopening the border to non-essential travel, but it will open in two phases- In November it will open only to fully vaccinated people from within North America. In January it will expand to all fully vaccinated foreign nationals. Seems like that might still need some tweaking and we'll probably get more details on Wednesday, including information on children, for example, but you can read the release below. Off to do listings.   

Stay safe out there. 

CoViD-19: Merck Seeks EUA On Oral Treatment | Indigenous Peoples' Day | National Coming Out Day | Plane Crashes Into Santee Homes | RIP Kiwi |

 

Ficus and Kiwi (RIP). (Taken 9.2.2017)

I still have two inboxes of email to read through but I don't think there's any news that won't be talked about tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. Since I wrote about Kiwi last night, I will mostly spare you, but tonight we took her to B- Street Veterinary Hospital in Golden Hill and had to say goodbye. Euthanizing a pet is excruciating emotionally, but it's also a huge financial decision. You can take your pet to the Humane Society and surrender them for $50, but you can't be present in the end. The other end of the spectrum is in-home euthanizing, which starts around $300 plus add-ons for travel and after care. I called one lady who spoke in a baby voice and charged $375 and I was like, no way is this woman coming to my house. Others could be as much as $500 and push cremation and mementos and how about I'll honor my dying pet by using that money to take good care of the animals we still have? As a non-religious person, there is also all this loaded language of grace and heaven and God's creatures and it is really too much for an atheist to handle. On a whim, I remembered that some friends have recommended B-Street in the past and I called ahead and they were super kind and understanding and were able to let us come in and hold Kiwi as she passed on and $140 seemed like a reasonable middle ground. Kiwi will be part of a group cremation and her ashes will be released in the sea off Point Loma.

It was time, maybe a little too long past due, and I'm sad but also feeling very relieved and that we did the right thing for her in the end. 

I didn't really talk about the weekend, but it was nice. On Saturday we went to the San Diego Zoo in an attempt to catch a little of the mariachi but we missed them. It was super crowded and not really my jam, so we did a quick walkthrough and then met my family for dinner at Fillippi's in Imperial Beach. Their patio is nothing spectacular but we had it to ourselves. I hadn't eaten at the chain in years and forgot that it is pretty good Italian comfort food. I also appreciated the family accommodating my wishes to be outside because I'm sure they would've rather been warm indoors. We hung out at my parents' house pretty late that night. Come Sunday, my cousin and uncle both left and we did the Zoo again, this time planning our time better so we could watch one set of the mariachi trio. I'm telling you, it is worth it to hear that girl sing La Llorona. You will be crying. 

After Nova was asleep and Darren was in the studio playing guitar, I watched The Starling on Netflix. I don't know why watching sad movies is a thing I do when I'm already sad, but it was really good and sad and cathartic. And then today rolled around and I'm glad it was a holiday because things seemed not-so-crazy and Kiwi spent most of the day outside in the grass warming her bones with sunshine and when we finally brought her upstairs, I knew that we couldn't wait another day if we didn't have to. Of all my pets I've had in my life, Kiwi was the most chill, not shy but never drawing attention to herself, letting the other animals be high maintenance and she was always just cool as a cucumber. 22 years is a really long life for a cat and I'm grateful to have had the time with her. Goodnight, sweet girl. 

Stay safe out there.  

CoViD-19: Anti-Vaxxers Get The Axe | Oil Spill Response | Stay Back From The Bears | Southwest Airlines Delays | Preparing for Goodbyes |

 

Do you realize

That happiness makes you cry?

Do you realize

That everyone you know someday will die?

If there is a way to prepare for grief, I would like to know it. We live our whole lives knowing that everyone around us will die. Perhaps this is why we love forests, because the trees existed long before us, and hopefully will be here long after we are dust. 

The knowing doesn't make it an easier. My dad is hanging on at the VA hospital and when I spoke to him today, he was hopeful that they would be discharging him to home this week, which is his wish, but I think we are waiting to find out if he gets an in-home caretaker provided that isn't my mom. And any care at this point is just palliative care as he has been weened off all of his meds. That is just a daunting thing to think about and so I really don't think about it as much as I can avoid it. 

But this week we're making the decision to euthanize Kiwi. She is my 22 year old cat. She was my second cat, who I adopted to keep my first cat Syndey company when I was at work. Tragically, Sydney was hit by a car, and after that, Kiwi has outlived my dog Pascha, and my other cats Monkey and Boo Radley. Kiwi was born from a cat whose owner thought she was a boy until she had kittens. That cat was owned by my friend's aunt and has had a picture featured in a Dia De Los Muertos alter since she died at 21 years old. Longevity, it would seem, was in her genes. But it's time. Every time we've thought it was time before, she would surprise us and go outside, gingerly making it up and down the stairs on her own, just to sniff around the yard and walk with the grass underneath her paws. Today she spent a lot of time outside, we think to find a place to die, but Darren brought her back in and she ate dinner as usual before disappearing back under the bed. But it's clear she suffering and like they always say at the Zoo, we don't want her last day to be her worst day. So she has another night or two with us, and then we say goodbye. There is only grief in preparing for grief. 

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes

Let them know you realize that life goes fast

It's hard to make the good things last

You realize the sun doesn't go down

It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

                                                        Flaming Lips

Stay safe out there.