Friday, August 10, 2007

I Heart Jack Bauer: My Letter To Kiefer Sutherland

Being unemployed and shit, and watching tons of useless TV, like My Super Sweet 16 marathons and Cribs and ET and the Insider, my wheels have been turning on how, while 90% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, there's maybe 10% of super rich people who have so much cash that they don't know what to do with it (percentages are from my perspective and may or may not represent actual American distribution of wealth). I've been thinking about how to make some dough, and it occurred to me that people, when they have a shitload of money, blow it on a bunch of bullshit. Like serious crap(for evidence, please watch Cribs and My Super Sweet 16). That, and then I heard that the new Guinness Book of World Records came out, and there's a record for TV stars and their 'per-episode' pay, and leading that pack is Jack Bauer himself, Mr. Kiefer Sutherland, raking in close (or over?) a HALF MILLION DOLLARS per episode. Now, it's known that Kiefer comes from a Hollywood legacy, so even if The Lost Boys was the best and only film he'd ever done, he'd have been set, pretty much, for life. But alas, now he's making money that most small countries can only see through some "let us put military bases on your small island" agreement with the US.

Kiefer has recently created a record label, signing Rocco DeLuca and the Burden, then taking them on a DIY tour through Europe documented in the film "I Trust You To Kill Me." In my jokes about finding a new job (clearly a mechanism to avoid major panic that if shit doesn't work out, I could theoretically lose the life I have and move back with the parents) I was joking with my friend about pulling an Anna and finding a benefactor. And my wheels have been cranking about business ideas, how to make money with this blog, starting a t-shirt company... focus my life... to this little hobby of a blog that has pretty much taken over my life. Then I thought, as a joke, but fuck it, maybe random wishes, that what if Kiefer became my guy. I mean, he saves the planet weekly, what if he could be my "benefactor" and get me the start to truly make this hobby my job??

With that, my letter to Kiefer Sutherland.

Dear Mr. Sutherland,

OK, I know, you probably feel like "Mr. Sutherland" is your dad, so Dear Kiefer, I was wondering if you would like to buy SD:Dialed In. I know you live in LA, and in your spare time, you like to feel on the pulse of new music, and with that, I can say many cities, many bands have people paying attention, but San Diego- sometimes we're so overlooked. Well, I'm writing to let you know that there is a lot of shit happening here and man, some of it is sooo good. I mean, maybe we only land on the radar of Hollywood-types during Comic-Con, or when one of our great bands moves to another city to make a name for itself, but shit...there's so much our little city has to offer and sometimes it's so overlooked. I know I'm not the best writer, and I know sometimes I am just there for the party and can't offer the best reviews of anything, really, but I try. I mean, I try to do the best for my city and the people working so hard to create and build and share their artistic talent.

So maybe I'm mediocre at best, but still, this blog is what I eat, breathe, and sleep. And maybe the next band on your label will come from this sleepy republican town on the verge...who knows... but I just thought I'd throw it out there, that if you were looking for somewhere to toss money around, I mean, I can't even call it an investment as I still don't see you getting a return on your investment, but if you were looking for a way to spend one tenth of the dough you make on ONE EPISODE of 24, if you'd like to buy my site, and essentially own me, it's yours for the taking, for a cool 50k. That would be enough for me to live comfortably for a year, buy some health insurance, and still live my simple little life here in San Diego, freeing me up from the need to work some day job that steals my smile and allow me the time to really focus on building up this site to where its potential really lies. I won't slack, I will be on it constantly, and making sure that I take the time to really review the bands I see and hear in a way I can't now. And maybe, just maybe, you'll see the amazing talent in this town and again, be the finger on the pulse of the next. big. thing.

I'm just saying, it could be cool, man.


By the way, it's 5 am and I've yet to go to sleep. Did you know MTV plays music videos? Maybe not great ones, but still...actual music videos on MTV. Imagine.


andrea said...

oh how I love thee... let me count the ways...

tina [at] said...

He should buy you, just for the shear genious of the sentence to essentially save you from "a job that steals your smile." that sentence made me laugh out loud (and not in just a half hearted lol way)