Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Holiday Shopping Secrets! Easy Way To Fashion Valley Mall

I promised to write a holiday shopping public service announcement, but the truth is that I'm not telling you for your benefit, I'm telling you for mine. The truth is I hate shopping, I hate shopping malls, and I don't know why anyone would go to a mall when you can shop online or find better, more unique gifts in any of the hundred of boutiques in less crowded areas of the county.

But whatever, you're going to go shopping, and you might end up at Fashion Valley Mall. The mall is across the street from my office, and I'd already like to shoot paint ball pellets at all the assholes who try to catch that first turn into the mall on Friars off the 163 and end up blocking traffic for the 10 minute cycle of the light. There are other entrances! You don't have to be right next to The Cheesecake Factory and Nordstrom. There is an easier way! You can get to your shiny happy mall without ever going on the 163 or Friars Road. For my sake, please consider some alternate routes.

If you're travelling westbound on the 8, there are two exits for Hotel Circle. The first one shares the offramp to the 163 north, but bypasses the 163 and sets you nicely on Hotel Circle North. Proceed west, turn right on Fashion Valley Road, and you're set.

If you wait for the second Hotel Circle Exit off the 8, you're going to backtrack east for less than half a mile, making a left onto Fashion Valley Road.

From the other direction, it's a little more complicated. There are two offramps for Hotel Circle South. If you take the one for Taylor street, backtrack west, go over the 8 toward Hunter Steakhouse, then go east on Hotel Circle South. If you wait for the second Hotel Circle exit, you're gonna end up near Frog ONE gym or whatever that place is. You want to go left, cross under the freeway and veer to the left to be on Hotel Circle North, then follow the directions above, turning right at Fashion Valley Road.

I guarantee that if my recommendations don't save you a migraine, they'll at least save you up to four traffic lights, three honking horns, and maybe you can actually have a pleasant time at the mall, instead of being a Scroogy nightmare for the rest of us who actually love the holiday season.

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